Every dog must have its day.

Sometimes I struggle where to begin. There is so much going on. 3 weeks of "running the race"- I've lost 30 pounds. I'm so excited to feel better about myself. To feel healthy. To feel complete again. It's still only the beginning so pray for me. Today lucky had a stroke, and is now paralyzed. :( tomorrow morning, he is being put to sleep. It is so hard to watch him go. He's been in our family for 11 years now. I still remember the day we got him. And I remember being 9 and standing at the dish washer BEGGING my parents for a dog. He was the best dog in the whole world. He was stinky, but he was awesome. It was hard to say goodbye to him today. :( I have no motivation to do homework or anything. I want to be home with my pup.


I love you lucky<3

Only the beginning...

Tuesday, January 12,2009 7:15 am. I went under the knife. It was such a difficult day for me. I remember sleeping and peeing. That is all. Right now, I'm home and it is so much harder. I hate HATE hate the protein drinks I have to drink until Wednesday. Did I mention I hate them. I feel sick or funny most of the time.. and I just want to be healed. Lets fast forward 4 months and see what I'm thinking then. Because right now, it's NO fun. I feel weak and gassy. I don't like this feeling at all. I'm tired but I can't sleep in my bed because I'm uncomfortable. I have 6 funny looking scars on my stomach. I either need to suck it up... which I do because if I don't I will lose my hair. :(

I don't write interesting things.
oh well.

Runners take your positions..

This is me on my 20th birthday.
with my best friend, my sister, my support system.
This is me now... not forever.
I am stepping up to the runners mark and they will pull the trigger. I'm going to RUN this race with endurance, perseverance, and enthusiasm. I have my shoes laced up, tight. I have my shirt tucked in. I have my running shorts on. I am scared. Im going to throw up at times and I'm going to need a lot of water. I am in the hands of the Father, whom I trust my life with. He breathes this breath into my lungs and calls me his child. He has me in His hands, and I trust this. I believe this.

My body type will no longer define me.
My body will no longer be the reason why people don't talk to me.
My body will NOT be the death of me.

I am Beautiful.
I am Lovely.
I am a Princess of God.

and now, there will be nothing holding me down.
I'm scared.
God, you've got this.


"Sit still my daughter..."- Ruth 3:18
--Okay Daddy, I'm going to try.

secret

january 12.
thats all

Get behind me, SANTA!

So, this Christmas..
I have a different view point. I want just Jesus. Give me Jesus.and family. and my relationships.My heart is broken for the people who don't have a place to call their home. My heart literally was crushed last night when to my dismay, one of the girls I love.. ran away from home. So much disgusting crap showing up in my life... but i still choose to follow the way of hurt and shame. I still struggle with loving God with my hands, eyes, feet, mouth. I fail every single day. I don't understand this concept of grace. I want to get it. But I don't know if I ever will. I need to let God be the God of my hands, feet, mouth, mind, eyes, voice, life. But I'm so selfish.
- I am over this idol called Santa.
- I am over everything about it.
THank God, this Christmas was different.